Thursday, January 22, 2009

What do you mean Hope?

So, again with the Rush.

Today, Rush goes on Hannity and again reiterates his position that he does not support our current President. Now, let's imagine if a prominent Democratic spokesperson, say Howard Dean, went on TV and said he hoped the President would fail. OH Wait, we don't have to imagine. Why? Because for the last EIGHT FUCKING YEARS people like Rush Limbaugh, you fuck, have been equating dissent with Treason. 

Now, again, not speaking for the entire Left, but I know for a fact I was never hoping for Bush to fail. I just knew that he would. Why would I hope he fails? He's Running the Country! But he was running it like a moron based on the advice of morons (again, Hello, Rush!).  So, failure was a foregone conclusion. 

So, playing by your own rules, Rush. You are now on the record at least twice rooting for the failure of the President of the United States of America, a sacred office. This makes you a traitor, so as a Good American I must call for you to be nailed to the Lincoln Bedroom wall by your balls. Sorry, Rush, but fair is fair.


No Bible?! Holy Fuck!

So, the Very first blog post I read today is this crap. Now, the post is not crap, it's by the man, Steve Benen. (I keep pimping Benen. I hope you're all reading his fucking blog already.)

Anyway, so, Obama didn't use a Bible for the Re-oath that he took just so no nutjob could come along and claim his presidency is illegitimate. So, let's face it, Obama was forced to do this by the extreme right-wing type wackos that have so much sway over the media at this point in time. And NOW he does it without a Bible. (I mean, I don't think any lefty type person is going to challenge the legitimacy of his Presidency. We only question Presidencies established by the Supreme Court.)

So, I don't think any right-wing type person is smart enough to put together this narrative, so let me have a crack.  Obama comes up to John Roberts. He touches The Bible of the First Republican President to swear his oath of office. The Bible burns his hand, but he enjoys the pain, it is all worth it. But he can not swear the oath, his contact with the holy artifact and the recitation of the oath at the same time would be too much, even for his considerably Satanic powers. He needed a way out. There was one choice.

Focusing, he caused Chief Justice Roberts to flub the Oath. The magic words of the Constitution were not spoken properly. The crafty devil laughed at the flub, he was oh so smooth. Then, the very next day he arranged for a second speaking of the sacred words. "Oh my, we've forgotten the Bible. No matter, surely a raised right hand will suffice."

"I see no need for the Bible," slobbered the mentally enslaved Roberts. 

So, Obama has now been sworn in as an Agent of Satan, bringing Socialism to us all. It has all gone to plan. 

Predictably, Glen Beck was disturbed. Possibly because Glen is specially attuned to the dangers of the dark side. Or maybe just because he's disturbed.

Seriously. I can not believe these people.


Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Keeping Up Appearances

So, it's been a busy day today for our new president and he apparently isn't quite living up to the expectations of people that have no plans to like him ever anyway. BUT these are humans, so let us give a moment to their concerns.

First, as is probably well known, John Roberts flubbed the Oath of Office. I thought it was a nice little moment in the ceremony actually. It looks like Obama stumbles over the oath, turns out it was mostly (i.e. entirely) Roberts fault, but it was a nice moment. Who gives a fuck about the oath, right? I mean, after The Primary, and the Election and the fact that he becomes President at NOON no Matter What, well, who cares. Well, predictably Chris Wallace and, no doubt, a bunch of other idiots, do care, so much so that Obama retook the oath this morning. You know, just in case.

Second, he apparently is not wearing a suit Jacket in the Oval Office. This apparently was a major no-no for the Bush Administration and also for St. Reagan. Now, I understand respect for the office and all of that, but seriously, IT'S HIS FUCKING OFFICE. Anyone that thinks this is a deal after the last 8 years of torture (and, seriously, do I have to name anything else??) and Politicization of the Justice Department and Everything Fucking Else, if you think this is a deal you're an idiot. Stop breathing. Anyway, here's the Post from Townhall. Some of the comments are just so priceless. Seriously, think about the not breathing thing, Townhall commenters. We'll all be fine. Better really.

Ok, here's the one that's the hardest to blow off. Apparently Barack, in doing the Ball rounds yesterday, failed to hit the Salute to Heroes Inaugural Ball. This is sponsored by the American Legion in honor of people winning the Congressional Medal of Honor and it seems like a bad one for a Democrat (i.e. cheese-eating surrender Monkey) to miss. Or maybe Obama has big balls, so to speak. But, and to make matters worse, it's a little harder to accept when you consider that he went to the BET Ball. Seriously? BET? Entertainment? 

However, this is the sort of thing that is really going to piss off the Conservobots, so I'm not too broken up, even though my Pop is very active in the Legion and I'm a peripheral member myself. However,  I did see a very nice moment at some Ball or another where he did talk to some soldiers in Iraq and it was a nice, relaxed, respectful moment. Still, it's hard to justify blowing off a Ball honoring soldiers and still go to a Ball that celebrates a TV station that has quite possibly, as far as I'm concerned, set back race relations as much as Obama has moved them forward. Of course, maybe it's gotten better, and I'm picking on BET, but I'm certain there were other non-essential Balls he attended. (Recording Industry Ball? Again, seriously?)

So, a poor decision there, but in fairness, there were a lot of Balls, and something tells me that Obama probably didn't put together the list himself. I'm sure he'll make up for it by, you know, actually Supporting the troops Legislatively rather than with empty gestures like going to balls and then fucking them on policy. You know?


DNC Blackberries

I do love the RedState post. One more point to make about this thing. 

Right at the end he mentions that Obama was looking into getting Blackberries for DNC senior staff. Mr. Faughnan (Faughnan?) suggests that Liberals threw a Hissy Fit when the RNC got Blackberries and the suggestion was called off to not look to Hypocritical. 

NOW, maybe he doesn't understand the argument here. The problem was NOT that the RNC people had Blackberries. It's that people (and I use the word charitably) like Karl Rove and other White House staff were using the RNC email accounts for Government business. Apparently, the RNC accounts are not covered by government disclosure rules. Now, Bush and his Administration clearly never understood this (i.e. chose to ignore it because they could do whatever they wanted, right?), so maybe their supporters don't either. But there is no problem if the DNC people have blackberries, so long as A) the Government doesn't foot the bill, and B) they don't use them for policy-making type conversations or Government business. THIS was the complaint. Not that hard to understand.

The GREAT thing is is that the article that RedState links to basically says Exactly that, and he STILL gets it wrong! I guess they don't teach reading comprehension in RedState.



So, apparently this is how it works, pay attention. Democrats have SECRETS. Republicans are just, you know, KEEPING US SAFE.

There. Everyone edified?

So, Keith O. has promised Breaking News that will Shock even the Cynics (yes, I'm waiting) about the scope of Bush's spying program. I doubt seriously I will be shocked. I have little to no doubt that the revelations that come out about the Bush Administration over the next 50 years will be shocking. The amount of stuff these idiots let leak was bad enough, and we're talking about one of the most secretive Presidencies in history.

Anyway, I know I shouldn't read Conservobot Blogs because it only upsets me, but this from RedState is truly priceless.

He's complaining about Obama wanting to keep his BlackBerry. And suggesting that it will some how a) keep Obama more isolated (huh?), and b) will allow him to keep his e-mail more secret (ummm.. huh?). Now, I don't have a Blackberry but as I understand it they are connected to an actual e-mail account. Presidential e-mail is saved. Barack does not have a problem with hiding e-mail yet, unlike his predecessor.

And for the record today Obama said this, "Information will not be withheld just because I say so..." Now, Obama might not stick to this, but time will tell. Though I suspect he will never release enough information for the RedState folks, but the rest of us should remember the Bush Administration.


Tuesday, January 20, 2009

The Hate LIves!

Well, for a minute there I thought the rhetoric of coming together and we can all work together might have seeped in deeply and changed me in some profound way. Turns out, no. BUT it didn't seem to change some other people either. 

Example 1: Rush. God Bless you, Rush, you are as predictable as the sunrise. You fuck.

When asked what he hoped for Obama's future, Rush responded, "I hope he Fails." This is a true patriot. Yes, folks. When the president is a huge mother fucking disaster, like say, ohhhhh... the Last Guy! the entire country suffers.

But Rush hopes he fails, why? Because, and I quote, "I hope Liberalism fails. Liberalism is our problem. Liberalism is what's got us dangerously close to the precipice." 

You know, in all the years Bush led, I never hoped he failed. If he had instituted the policies of Conservatism and became a world-wide success I would've honestly rethought my views. But not Rush. No, he saw this great conservative experiment and continues, in the face of ALL EVIDENCE to the CONTRARY continues to follow his Ideology.

Ideology kills. 

Seriously, Rush. Are you this demented? Are you this far gone? 

Of course Rush doesn't care what happens. He's rich. He became rich peddling lies and hate to the desperate and hateful. And it will continue to be a lucrative market. But, I predict he has peaked. The very existence of Obama will make Rush look more and more ridiculous. I hope I am not wrong. Enjoy your pinnacle, Jack-ass. 


Don't let the door hit you...

On the second thought, do. 

So, the long dark national nightmare is over. All the right people seem to be upset, Michelle Malkin, I'm looking at you. All the right people seem to be happy, Humans, I'm looking at you.

So, will the need to rant continue in the face of a presumably sane presidency? Well, we shall see. The forces of conservative evil have grown in power over the last 8 years. However, they began during the Clinton years, and these people thrive when they feel they are being persecuted. I mean, hell, they ruled completely for 6 full years, and pretty much for the last two and they STILL complained about persecution. You can't complain when you're in charge, bitches!

Anyway, new dawn and all that. I can't believe it's finally here. Seriously. This is pure buttery goodness. Party like it's your birthday, America. The Chimp is gone.


Tuesday, January 13, 2009

I'm afraid, I'm gay...

You know, this is honestly the core of the issue. Almost all of these anti-gay idiots out there honestly (STILL!) think being Gay is a Choice. 

Yes, I choose to be persecuted and ostracized, Risk rejection by my family and friends, risk having the shit beat out of me by close minded bigots, because, well.... I'm scared of women. Yes. What?! What the Fuck!?

But apparently that's the new theory by hate-mongering super-star, Michael Savage! Actually, I do have a bit of a soft-spot for Michael. Yes, he's an insane, blubbering hate-monger, right-wing fascist. But He does live in the Bay Area and that's the sort of locale that can make even a moderate swing to the right, if only in reaction to the feel good fumes coming from Berkeley. But despite my sympathy, (and I do love the Bay Area, but the Left isn't right ALL the time) Michael truly is a horrid, horrid person and I hope he has a special place waiting in hell. Well, I don't believe in Hell, so I guess I hope he has his tongue ripped out soon by weasels. Or retires, but I'm not holding my breath. 

You know, Michael, I was scared of women. Hell, I'm probably STILL scared of women. What's not to be afraid of?  They can rip your heart out and then when they're done fuck your best friend. And then they don't even have the common decency to kill you and end the pain.  Honestly, if every guy that was afraid of women went to the other side... well, I just hope rappers can keep the whole species going by themselves, because the rest of us have 99 Problems and a bitch is usually at least one.  Why do conservatives have such a problem understanding the concept of 'choice'?


Green Piece

This is a bit of a follow up post to what I wrote about global warming the other day.

What kills me is that the Right ideologues seems to ignore science whenever it gets in the way of their ideology, But when there happens to be a couple scientists that agree with their ludicrous positions they put these people up on a pedestal. I'm sure this is not hard to figure out, but for any up-and-coming scientist, a little advice.  Maybe you're not at the top of your class,  maybe you're at the bottom of your class. Maybe you don't have prayer to get a real job anywhere. This may not be your fault, maybe you are the victim of years of systematic discrediting and marginalization of real science. Whatever the reason, if you're looking to make a quick buck, pick a insane republican scientific position and write a book. 

You have a wealth to pick up on. Don't believe in Evolution, you're in! Don't believe in Global Warming, you're in! Think the market can regulate itself (hey, economics is a science) You're in! Think Terry Schiavo actually knew what was going on when people waved, You're in!

Let me say, that if you're going to reject Science outright, you have to reject it. It doesn't work if you just pick a couple articles you agree with and then cite the hell out of them. Science doesn't really reward rebellion. Well, it will if you can prove it, but OTHER people have to prove it. They have to come up with evidence to back your evidence. Otherwise you're just a nutcase. Of course, a lot of these people have made MILLIONS being nutcases. I'm looking at you, O'Reilly. You fuck.


Jack Bauer

It is a point of pride with me that I have never seen an episode of '24'. No, not really, but I honestly have never seen more of it than the commercials. I hear it's good, but it's a 24 hour commitment to watch it and as I hear it's rather addicting once you're started. I don't really want to give a day up for that.

But seriously, what is the deal with people like Bill O'Reilly and his ilk referencing Jack Bauer in their arguments for terror. It's fucking embarrassing people. Jack Bauer is Fucking Fictional! He's made up! This is really how these morons view the world. It honestly explains so much.

Almost all serious people, and serious knows no political bounds (or at least shouldn't), agree that torture does not work. It gets you bad information and it makes you look like a soulless dick while you're getting it. Movies are for Escape, not to be used in Supreme Mother-Fucking Court Arguments. Jesus, people. 

Aren't you the party of Shut-up and sing?! I swear, nobody hates Celebrities more than the Right until ONE of them happens to actually swallow their crap. Their favorite president ever was an Actor. Arnie? Ted Nugent? Chuck Fucking Norris? God, the only thing shocking is somehow Huckabee made it through that campaign without slicking up the Norris Nob. And the right celebrities are such 2nd stringers. What do you have Clint Eastwood (barely) and John Wayne. Ben Stein was funny in Ferris Bueller, and he's been a dick since. 

So, if the best argument for a Highly Questionable and Morally Repugnant Policy Position is a Fucking TV show you need to look long and hard at your politics. And your life.


Monday, January 12, 2009

The 22-year-old Virgin

Seriously, I wish MY virginity was (well, had been) worth 2.5 mil. Christ.

The Legacy Project

Bush had a Classic Press Conference today. His Delusion is truly remarkable. Rachel Maddow (godblessher) is devoting most of her show today to it, check it out on or whatever, if you can. It's much easier to take with her playing a bit of the conference and then refuting it. Anyway, one of his more egregious comments is about his response to Hurricane Katrina. Here's the take at Crooks n Liars and it has a cartoon!

Anyway, of all the ridiculous things he said, he said this:

I've thought long and hard about Katrina -- you know, I could've done something differently, like land Air Force One in New Orleans or Baton Rouge.

He goes on to say that then the Media would castrate him if he Had landed his plane and had to divert police to his security rather than helping with the clean-up.

All of this begs the question, is Bush possibly MORE FUCKING DELUSIONAL THAN I THOUGHT??? How could he be, yet here it is. Hey, numb-nuts, the problem wasn't that you didn't land down there and blow-kisses or whatever it is you thought you could do. The Problem is that You Don't Take Government Seriously. Your job is to be the government and implement policies that, you know, help run things. When you give heading FEMA to Brownie the wonder idiot when SHIT goes down SHIT will Really go down. 

Government is a lumbering behemoth that runs very badly when it is run well. Giving control of it to people who think it serves NO purpose other than to provide their friends with cushy jobs does no one any good. And occasionally handing the government to an idiot will turn a major american city into the new Atlantis.

The Warming that is Global

So, this is sort of interesting.  So, apparently a few scientists think the world is heading into another ice age.  We are apparently in a Holocene period which is going to come to an End any time now, as it is only a brief 12,000 years long and then the Ice Age will continue for about 100,000 years. Now, predictably, a few Conservo Blogs are sort of excited with their told-you-soes and what now. Who doesn't like Told-You-Soes?

Now, admittedly I have not seen An Inconvenient Truth or any of that, so I will not claim to be an expert or even well-versed in all of this. Scientists seem to be in agreement for the most part so that seems good enough to me. However, I do think that a lot of the 'greening' type activities are annoying and there is a pretty healthy dose of hypocrisy (especially among the more vapid celebrities) involved in a lot of western efforts to 'combat' global warming. Our lifestyles are just not that green and are not likely to become so. Plus with countries like India and China on the rise and not giving two shits about the environment on their climb to the top I don't really see how we're going to stop this thing. 

However, the common conservative response to all of this is just ridiculous. Maybe people are hysterical for no reason, so what? Caring too much is better than not caring at all. A few people have to care a TON just to get the rest of us lazy asses to put a plastic bottle in the recycle bin. Yes, The Super-Greenies can be occasionally annoying, but they have a decent goal. A human goal. Essentially the Conservative position is My Trust Fund is more important than Your Clean Water. I mean, that's essentially it.  I guess that whole Cleanliness is next to Godliness thing  stops at the conservative armpit.

Not trashing the Earth is a good goal, it should be our goal. It should be a human goal to live more in Harmony with the planet (says the boy in NYC) than by destroying it and if you contribute to that effort you should be given credit. 

The Right is always complaining that the left are empty, cynical assholes with no spiritual values. Once again the environment issue proves that the only thing the Right truly excels at is demonstrating the psychological phenomenon of Projection.

Thursday, January 8, 2009


You know, I watched Keith religiously during the election fairly religiously. There's a pretty simple explanation, he really was the only game in town. Who else are you going to watch for a moderate (yes, moderate) liberal point of view on Cable? Alan Colmes? 

But Keith has always been a blowhard and a bit too smug for my tastes and now that Rachel Maddow is in the game doing an incredible job it's become harder to take Keith as seriously.

However, as long as Sarah Palin is calling him the devil (see previous post) and he's naming Bill O'. Worst Person in the World, I'll tune in, at least for those special segments.



I STILL don't understand how the Republicans can get spanked, BADLY, TWICE! and still show NO signs of introspection.

Ok, obviously, I'm speaking of high-level, talking-head type Republicans. Obviously a great deal of normal Americans rethought their positions otherwise Obama could not have won by the margins he did, nor would he have the high approval ratings he now enjoys.

Anyway, what brought about this little out burst is She's back and showing NO signs of remorse for her parting in the McCain travesty of 2008. Let's go to Steve Benen's take, but this is all over the Interweb.

So, Sarah is back and she's blaming her lackluster performance on Tina Fay, Katie Couric, Keith Olbermman and basically anyone but herself. Remind me again, is it The Repubs or the Demos who takes pride in being the party of Personal Mother-Fucking Responsibility?

Sarah, you will never read this, but I have a confession to make. When I first saw your well-made-up mug at the Republican Convention you scared the living shit out of me. First, because right from the start you were clearly willing to lie on cue. And you were a brilliant attack dog. However, it soon became apparent that, as far as the big league goes, you were way over your head. You are just not a world-class bull-shitter. You're a backwoods bull-shitter. That's why you came up in the backwoods. You couldn't have come up Anywhere else. Wouldn't have happened.  There's no shame. I grew up in the backwoods. I could've stayed there and maybe been a big frog in the small puddle, but I moved to the big city. What's happened? I am a tadpole amongst a million other tadpoles watching the big frogs really live. Well, that's life. Accept it. You tried to play in the big leagues, got lit up and sent back to the minors. It happens. But, Don't blame the pitchers, you petty bitch.


Monday, January 5, 2009

Doggone it!

Ok, I don't know how I feel about entertainers crossing over into politics, but if you're good enough and smart enough.. Ok, this type of humor is a bit beneath me. 

Anyway, looks like Franken has got the win and I'm glad. He seems like a smart guy and I think he is legitimately passionate about politics and seems to take all the right (and by that I mean left) positions. And I like his books, which is more than I can say for Michael Moore, not that I'm real big on preaching to the choir materials. Except for blogs, of course.

Predictably, the Conservosphere is throwing a bit of a hissy fit. There was a misleading editorial by the Wall St. Journal today claiming that Franken stole the election. So, naturally, because they have difficult with both recognizing and drawing honest comparisons, Conservobots are crying foul and wondering where the liberal outrage over the Bush election is now.

Again, I must give the Right the same advice they gave us after the Bush '01 debacle, Fuck off and get over it. Oh, and by the way, just Saying Bush won that election And wasn't just Fucking Appointed  does NOT make it true. You have to provide Facts. Which I appreciate is difficult as there Are None.

If you're interested the best blow-by-blow refutation of the Wall St. editorial is provided by Nate Silver at So, i'll stop blabbing about this now. 

Rock on, Stuart.


Reading is important..

...unless the book is by Ann Coulter. Please God let this be true..

The Drudge is reporting that NBC is banning Coulter. Yeah, right, sure... But why shouldn't Coulter be banned? I mean, I know Bill Mahar used to have her on a lot, and I love Bill and she was never not entertaining on the show, but she doesn't need to be on 'news' shows. Granted, the apparently she is not appearing on the "Today" show, which doesn't exactly bill itself as a hard hitting news program. But the point is Coulter is a fairly loud voice from the right and she lies every time she exhales. Why should she be given a national platform? Or, if you're going to give her a national platform then make sure the interviewer is well versed in her bull shit and able to refute her. It's not that hard. Seriously.


Friday, January 2, 2009

Bad Vibrations

So, for those of you who are not aware, VH-1 Classic is doing one of the most awesome things ever and I hope they keep it up every year. They are doing 2009 for 2009. That's 2009 videos starting at Midnight New Years. I have seen all sorts of crazy shit. I would like to comment on every video, but I have to work, eat, etc.. so, I'm commenting on Marky Mark.

Holy shit. Does anyone remember this video being this bad? I mean, I was impressionable at the time, and it was hardly my favorite song, but seriously, not good. Lucky for this guy he is a pretty good actor. I guess maybe the world was just impressed that he was FAR more talented than his brother. (In fairness I hated his brother almost immediately.)  (And speaking of remembering things, Fucking Captain Lou Albano is in the Girls Just Want to Have Fun Video! Captain Lou! Alright, you don't remember. Fuck you. He was in a cartoon with Hulk Hogan and Iron Sheik. Did I say Fuck You, yet? I was excited. Stop judging me. Stop.

But the most annoying part of the Good Vibrations Video, who remembers that Markie goes on this whole anti-drug verse in the middle of the song. Something about his body being a temple, blah, blah.  I didn't notice at the time. In fact, I probably thought not being on drugs was a reasonable way to go through life at the time. I was in error. I can only hope that Markie has become a serious coke fiend in the meantime. No, coke sucks. But an alcoholic at least. Something.  Life. Who deals with that shit straight? Jesus. Bad noise, man.