Monday, May 4, 2009

Stop or My President will Torture!

Wow. So I haven't blogged in near a month. Hope it's worth the wait. I've learned from a couple posts (egad) that I really should only do this when I'm in the mood and have something to say, otherwise it's just embarrassing. Ok, enough of this. 

So, over the last couple of weeks various right-wing nut jobs have been bending over backwards to defend the Torture practices of the Bush Administration. Here is Adam Brodsky with just one example. There are others, Rich Lowry weighed in about a week ago also in the Post, and continual Jack-Ass Charles Krauthammer also had something to say.

This all makes me sick. The arguments are all so infuriating and hateful that I go into a blind rage every time I read one of these fucking idiots and their bullshit. 

First, and this was the thrust of Rick Lowry article, is that our torture just isn't that bad. You know, Compared to Iran, compared to Terrorists (whichever country they may be stationed). So... let me understand. We aren't as bad as psychopaths? THAT'S your fucking argument? I listen to these idiots talk about American Exceptionalism all the time and Most would rather swallow a Hemlock and Tonic before deigning to compare themselves to ANYONE let alone these Fucking Psychos. But Since some people out there cut off Heads, well, I guess we can do whatever we want as long as nobody ends up headless. Dead, well, shit happens, but at least you're buried with your head attached. 

Another popular theme is the Ticking Time Bomb. This is a very popular theme. It seems largely to be inspired by shows like '24' and all the Die Hard and Lethal Weapon movies. Obviously this scenario is ubiquitous in Action movies, but many experts (i.e. people who do NOT base decisions on Television shows) say it never occurs in real life. 

But if we want to apply Fictional Solutions to Real Life problems, let me take a crack.  Conservatives love to point to the "Dark Knight" movie, where Bush is the Batman character. Brooding (in Rightwing World Bush broods), misunderstood, making the tough choices to Save Us All. However, if you've Seen the movie the Torture Doesn't Work. He drops that Gangster off the building and the gangster won't roll on the Joker because he's more scared of the Joker than Batman. Then in another scene Batman beats the Shit out of the Joker and the Joker laughs in his face and doesn't give up Anything until it's too late. So, in two scenes, Batman totally loses it and gives into his worst and most base instincts and it gives him Nothing of value. (I will admit this movie is often also used to justify Warrantless Wiretapping and that bit does actually work out ok for The Batman.)

However, I suspect that Torture in the real world works more like the scene from "Bolt." The movie is pretty hilarious, so I don't want to ruin, but this is a serious topic. So, in the scene, Bolt (a dog) is convinced that Cats, All Cats, are involved in a Vast Conspiracy against Dogs led by the nefarious Green Eyed Man. So, Bolt grabs this stray cat and dangles her over a bridge. Now, Bolt is clearly not looking at the world quite right and the cat is quite innocent and she loudly proclaims her innocence while dangling over oncoming traffic.  The cat quickly figures out that Bolt is Never going to believe that she doesn't know anything, after all she's a lying cat, so the cat changes her story and tells Bolt that she'll take him to the Green Eyed Man if he just doesn't drop her. Hilarity ensues.

So, to understand the current torture debate, reread the previous paragraph, but where it says Bolt/Dog read "Right-wing Pundit"; Cat read "Muslims"; and where it says Hilarity read "fucking psychotic and degrading party-wide pants-shitting festival" and you pretty much get the idea.


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