The Sixth (and Seventh) Sense

So, I feel a little sorry for some of these people trying to work their way through modern society without a sense of humor or, possibly more importantly, a sense of Irony. How do you make it through modern society without understanding Irony? 

(Shit. I was going to write about Bill O'Reilly, but I realize that intro really works better with this other thing, so I'll do that.)

Anyway, once again, Steve Bennen is on top of the modern world's new great irony ignorer, Karl Rove. But really Karl is just a part of the problem with current conservative commentary.

Now, a lot of this is revealed by how all the current Republican Senators and congresspersons and such are disavowing the Bush Administration. They have been relegated to the Political Wilderness for Abandoning Their Principles. Egad. The Horror..... The Horror....

So, for those not keeping track, Republicans putting a political spin on the White House (and really everything) fine. Democrats, Worst Thing Ever.

Running up a deficit, Republicans, that's fine (You know, when you're in power it's just So Hard to not "abandon your principles"); Democrats (even if largely to clean up the previous mess), bad.

Former Republican V.P. Criticizing the current administration in all sorts of heinous ways, Including, "making the country less safe". Well, that's A-Ok. CURRENT V.P. pushing back at his, quite possibly insane (judgement call) predecessor, Sacrilegious and unprecedented.

Ok, does everyone understand how this works now? I assure you there is a pattern. Thanks, Karl. You fuck.

Anyway...

People who want your destruction..

So, I'm watching this new "The Ed Show" on MSNBC and I guess the guy hosting is supposed to be a liberal and maybe he is, I've only been watching for 5 minutes, but in those 5 minutes this show is a bit of a train wreck. First, he's got two low-level (because I haven't heard of them, so they must be low level) right-wing (presumably talk-radio) hacks against himself (who isn't really commenting) and Al fucking Sharpton. 

Now, I don't mind Al, I mean, he's clearly egomaniacal, but who isn't in that business.  However, the problem is I don't think he's taken too seriously by anyone and, I don't want to say he's outclassed, but he's just not holding his own on airtime. Every time he says something the reaction is, "Oh, of course AL is saying THAT," and these fucking gasbags sit there with their smug fucking we're-right-and-we-don't-need-"polls"-or"facts" smiles. Few things on this planet are more annoying than a Conservative fucking windbag smirking at something He Just Knows is false and that anyone casually acquainted and semi-respectful of Facts knows is true.

(Mystery solved, the smug idiots with the Rev. are Heidi Harrison and Lars Lawrenson (egad, these are names? Why not just go as Ken and Barbie, ok?))

So, anyway, Heidi says, "You cannot argue with people who want your destruction. You can not reason with them, you can not talk to them." You know, that's Exactly how I feel about conservatives right now, but you know, you still talk to them, because what else can you do? 

But really, how do you argue with people that Refuse to engage you in honest, intelligent conversation? You really can't.  Here is an example of exactly the level of discourse I saw tonight on that show, and I must reiterate, this is a NEWS network:

If you say, "After a tragically misguided and ill-conceived war against Iraq and several years of a diplomatic stance that, whether our fault or not, has obviously alienated the rest of the world, Barack Obama's main goal in the recent G-20 was to try to present a more understanding and open face of America to the world. I think ultimately this will make people more sympathetic to us and, for the big picture, make everyone more agreeable to our point of view, but also, make it harder for Terrorist groups to continue to use our own actions to drum up hate against us."*

And they respond, "You know, that sounds just like what the Chamberlain said right before Hitler crammed his Nazi dick between that appeaser's ass cheeks, you pinko-hippy."**

Well, you can't really have a dialogue there, now can you?

Anyway....

*Basically what Big Al said.

** Basically what those other two fucks said.

Ha. That is so funny. No really.

So, and I'm not going to provide links, which I like to do, but every so often you hear a conservative commentator Whining about the Daily Show saying they are bowing down to Obama. Well, this little clip  I think should disabuse that notion. 

The fact is that the Daily Show is Very Hard on Obama, not as hard as it was on Bush, perhaps, but that is not the Daily Show's fault. You see, Bush was a greater font of political mockery than Obama could ever be. In laymen's terms, Bush was a bumbling, at best dyslexic, at worst semi-retarded, Fuck; Obama is just a narcissist who thinks he can heal the world. Which is to say, a potential good President.

But the fact is, the Daily Show is unabashedly liberal, but they are fair. And they are consistently funny over all the years I've watched them. And why they are funny is this; they, for the most part, speak truth to power. It is cliche, but it is true.

A couple years ago, Fox "News" tried to have their own Daily Show. It was called the Half-Hour News Hour. Aside from ripping off their title from HBO's Half-Hour Comedy Hour, it was a rip-roaring failure. Why? Because they Had An Agenda. Now, you can have Beliefs and be funny. I even believe you can have Conservative beliefs and be funny (see P.J. O'Rourke's early books). But you can't be shilling for a political party and be funny. Why?

Because humor has to be true. It is the truest of entertainment. Laughter is a visceral reaction and it either happens or it doesn't. There is a reason why the best humor always bubbles up from the under-classes. There is a reason why when you are an outsider watching the MC at a black-tie event, you NEVER Laugh......

So, you know what, you Conservative commentators. Fuck you. The Daily Show is what it was and hopefully will continue to be, a giant middle finger at the establishment, a lone voice laughing in the darkness. And I don't care if Jon Stewart is a million are. We are taking your advertising dollars and actually spending them on FREE speech. So fuck off and make your little Lewinsky jokes. We, the People, have moved on...       Well, Most of us.

Anyway...

Rush.

Oh my lord. I almost went to sleep. I was going to pack it in. But something wouldn't let me. I put on Tom Waits, and I poured myself another vodka, and I thought about things. And I realized, I didn't write the post I'd been meaning to this whole night..

Ok, I'll direct you to this link of more successful blogger, Hilzoy talking about this ridiculous post from Andrew Klavan of the L.A. Times, again I'm paraphrasing and you NEED to read this stupid shit, but Andrew apparently thinks that Liberals are critiquing poor Rush because we Haven't Been Listening to him. He throws down the intellectual integrity gauntlet. We, us poor uniformed liberals, must put ourselves through the Limbaugh listening experience before subjecting him to any sort of derision. 

Alright. Several people have mocked this column, but I am not so proud that I'm going to avoid fresh meat. Klavan, let me explain something to you. EVERYONE LISTENS TO LIMBAUGH. 

He is part of our cultural fabric. His fat carcass is woven into the very speech that forms the quilt of our social discourse. Not being aware of Limbaugh at this point is like being unaware that the sky is blue, the grass is green, or that you are a fucking moron. It is not possible that we could not know his arguments. When I watch the news I hear him. When a major newscaster misrepresents a major liberal policy position, Limbaugh is there; When a Republican Senator claims with out fear that the privileges of the rich outweigh the poor, Limbaugh is there; When I hear that some product produced by some profit seeking corporation is killing innocents and the corporation is MIRACULOUSLY not to blame, Limbaugh is there; When I hear that Reagan is the only Politician since that Dawn of Fucking Time that did Right or Mattered, Limbaugh is there; When I hear some right-wing hack blame the poor for their own tough fucking luck, Limbaugh is there; when I suffer through some idiots racial rant only to hear him at the end proclaim he is NOT racist, Limbaugh is there; when I here the poor defend the rich in desperate and confirmed hope they will one day be among their number, Limbaugh is there. WHENEVER I hear a Modern Conservative Commentator Spew HIS/HER HATEFUL VENOM TO MILLIONS ON THE FUCKING RADIO I KNOW, LIMBAUGH IS THERE! 

How dare you, Mr. Klavan, suggest I don't know the content of Mr. Limbaugh's show? Limbaugh is everywhere. He is the festering cancerous sore on the ass of America. He is America's Hemorrhoid. He is the voice of America's itching ass-hole. How are we NOT aware of him? How do we ignore him? How? Seriously, how. I would LOVE to ignore this poisonous, cancerous Fuck. Please, enlighten me, Mr. Klavan, apparently I haven't been listening. You fuck.

Anyway....

Fuck of the Week.

So, there's this guy, Adam Brodsky and I think he might be taking the place of my favorite Pet Hate. And Goddamn it, I can't find his column On-line either. Ok, this is a good one. I'll type the fucking thing out if I have to. 

The entire thrust of Adam's column is that Obama is snuffing out hope by waging war on the rich. 

"Think about it: In Obama World, what are we supposed to "hope" For? Certainly not vast riches."

First, how fucked is this guy that the only thing to hope for in life is vast riches. Sure, I wish I was rich, rich is better than poor. But barring being rich I would hope I would enjoy the life I have, with my splendid girlfriend, my good friends, my reasonable income, my good record collection and my vodka. Vast riches? Ok, nice, but not something most of us give up All hope for if we can't achieve it. Adam, your bankrupt soul is beginning to show.

He then goes on to a whiny and complicated defense of these banking fucks that wrecked the economy.  I Really Wish I had a link to this. Seriously, Post, your website sucks and I Love you guys.

Anyway, Adam, seriously, the ONLY thing the Right has going for it right now, is the faux-populist thing you guys appropriate when trying to ram bad fiscal policy on the poor rubes. Your colors are showing through. These Wall Street guys are crooked fucks. They almost brought down Western Civilization and it still may happen. Defending them isn't doing you or anyone on your side any good. Lie low and you can continue advocating ripping off the rubes when things are better. IF things get better. 

Adam goes on,  "consider Obama's claim this week that the economy 'only works if we recognize that we're all in this together,' with 'responsibilities to each other.' He seems to be saying the fruits of one's labor must go to help others. Or that there's no need to work hard; someone else will care for you. Gee, not that's Inspirational." 

Ok, now given that Adam just spent the last couple of paragraphs defending the bankers this Truly makes him a fuck. As far as I can tell the Bankers have been relying VERY HEAVILY on the GENEROSITY of the American Fucking Tax Payer, of which I am one. Here's a tip, Adam, when the bank has to bail you out to the tune of Trillions of dollars, you are NOT fucking successful, you have indeed failed on a Massive Fucking Level.

Not to mention, that I am under the impression that Conservatives are very big into the Jesus, and forgive me, but I believe Jesus was very in to helping his struggling comrades. Meek will inherit the earth and so forth. Commie crap like that.

"'Outsized rewards' motivate. They offer something to dream about. In trying to strike gold, Wall Streeters made bets that channeled capital to where it was demanded, even if they wound up with snake eyes and dragged the nation down with them."

I'm just realizing how indicative this column is of Everything that is wrong with Conservatism right now. Look at what this idiot is saying. It's OK that Wall St. dragged the entire US down, because they had the same dream I had, namely wanting to be rich. I embrace my fellow brothers because we had the same small pathetic dream, to be Rich by Whatever Means Necessary, and if countless millions have to suffer for our dreams, well, what can you say, those snake eyes, total bitch.

He then has a couple paragraphs about how teachers are making "six-figure salaries" and why shouldn't Wall Street investors make "big bucks" if they are willing to take "big risks." You know, I actually agree with this. I know he is overstating things a bit, but yes, high-stress jobs Should be rewarded with big pay. Obviously not everyone can do these jobs, so the people that can should be rewarded. I mean, we reward people that can run fast, or sing well, why not people who know how to make the economy better?

EXCEPT these people Didn't make the economy better. They fucking wrecked it. I don't know about you, Adam, but if I go to Vegas and put a Grand on 11-black and it comes up, well, I'd better get my 36 grand. If it lands on 6, I don't grab the dealer and go, "goddamn it, I have a dream and I bet big!" Jesus, you fuck, there is a Downside to gambling. Everyone that has ever set foot in Vegas knows this, along with everyone who hasn't, except perhaps you, Adam, and your lame ass Wall-Street-defending ilk.

"Obama says Wall Streeters should go to Arkansas; Arkansans should come to New York -- and see the grand opportunities that lie before them. That's How You Inspire Hope."

Ummmm.. I don't know where Adam grew up, I'm guessing Long Island. Let me explain to Adam how most people in America view NYC. They are scared of it. Their fear is in a large part due to Conservative Fucks like him playing up the crime and degradation to make cheap political arguments for years and years (you know, Like this cheap political argument he's making now). But beyond just maybe not being the sort of person that wants to leave friends and family to live in some shitty railroad apt on Bowery to make it BIG in NYC, Not everyone can Make It on Wall St. Jesus, you just can't. There are a limited amount of spots on the top. They don't go to the Best, they don't go to the Brightest. But being Best and Brightest certainly doesn't hurt. Most people don't have the guts, smarts or Ambition, or in the current climate the Criminal Instincts, to make it big on Wall St. THIS is the major flaw in Conservative thinking. They like to project the idea that if "you Just Work Hard Enough" you'll make it. Well, yeah, maybe. But some people have nothing to work with and that's just the fucking truth. 

Good for you, Adam, you have your little niche at the Post. I'm sure you're all interested in your portfolio and things are fine there. But you are a bankrupt, soulless excuse for a human and your column makes  me feel a little sad for you. But just a little. The rest of me is pretty sure you're a fuck and I hope I never see you in real life as we both enjoy this great city that can't possibly house every dreamer in Arkansas, let alone America. You fuck.

Anyway.... 

Are you Kidding Me!?

Ok, there will be a new Bill O'Reilly post soon, but I was just on the NY Post Website, trying to find a link to his column, and there, Right in the Column section like a festering sore, was a column by Ralph Peters. 

For those who don't know, Ralph is NY Post's war/foreign affairs editorialist. He is, in terms of the Post, one of the less insane columnists. I even agree with him a good two or three times a year. His last post is called, "Careless Use of U.S. Troops." Are you fucking kidding me?! Are you Fucking Kidding Me? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!   Are you completely mad? Without a trace of self-awareness?! Fuck YOu! Fuck YOU Fuck fuck fuck fuck YOU!

Ok.... that was not reasonable, that was not helpful. But seriously, fuck you Ralph Peters. I didn't read your post. I'm sure you have some sort of bullshit premise, and usually i do read your column. Maybe you didn't make up the headline, but something in the column clearly suggested it. I've been reading the Post for quite some time on a semi-regular basis. I don't recall BUSH ever being accused of wasting lives. Who do you think STARTED these bullshit wars? Who attacked Iraq for no Fucking Reason? Who dropped the Ball on Afganistan? Where exactly does the buck stop for you? Fuck you, man. Seriously, fuck you. Hope you can't sleep tonight, or ever really.

Ok, more reasonable post coming.

Anyway...

The Sky is so pretty

So, what color is the sky in Bill O'Reilly's world? 

Bill O. had a fascinating interview in Yahoo today. Now, I was going to go through that interview and point out what a self-deluded bulling fuck Bill O. is, but you can read it yourself. If you can't figure out the psychoness, ask me, I'll be happy to help you out. 

But, though I may highlight the interview later, I think I'll focus on Bill O. and his own words from last Friday's column in the NY Post. I don't have a link to this post, unfortunately, so I shouldn't even blog on it, particularly since I just screamed at Ralph Peters, without even reading his Post, but he upset me. But Ralph did say he was down with legalizing Mary-Jane the other day, so he's not ALL evil. Only mostly.

Anyway, Bill's last post in the NY Post was basically restating his belief that, and again, paraphrasing, Fox News and His Show are booming in the ratings because people are scared and they do not trust Obama and his "scary" socialist tactics. 

My response to this, and I really should be linking to things like posts questioning Bill's claim that Fox News ratings are booming. Maybe they are rising, booming is probably the wrong word. Or I could link to posts that Obama's personal approval ratings are Very High. These are easy enough things to find, if you poke around.

However, Bill, this is my theory why your ratings are climbing. You work at Fox, it is a Highly Partisian station, despite your attempts to paint it otherwise, despite your claims at being non-partisan, despite Fox's Ridiculous Fucking claim that they are Fair and Balanced. Your whole station is a fucking shill for the Republican Party. And you know, honestly it wouldn't bother me, except for the fact that y'all that work there work So Fucking Hard at pretending you don't have an agenda. 

Bill, if your ratings are going up, it's because you and people of your ilk (hello, Hannity! hello Limbaugh!) have spent the last decade scaring the pants off a certain segment of the population and now they are turning to your for mother's milk. There is a good quarter of the population that are staunch conservatives and they are now currently all terrified out of their fucking minds. A quarter of 350 million is a big ratings number, and they are all coming to you, Bill. You are their shepherd. Poor bastards. It is NOT an indication of more people believing your ridiculous bullshit, just the people already in your camp are watching more TV because They Scared. And you helped scare them. So, you know, don't break your arm patting yourself on the back.

Anyway...